I can't stand it anymore -- I must confess my love for Jennifer Aniston to the world. Jennifer -- this list of 10 is my ode to you:

1. She keeps getting more beautiful.
   Every single year, Jennifer Aniston just keeps getting more and more beautiful. As so many other actresses approach their mid-thirties, they either starve themselves so that they become rail-thin and severe-looking, or they pile-on the plastc surgery and become odd parodies of ideal humanity. Jennifer just gets more and more amazing looking.
2. She's a very good actress.
   If you haven't seen the Good Girl, you have no idea what Jennifer Aniston can be as an actress. She's far more than Rachel on friends -- she's a natural, charismatic, extremely talented actress with a fair range and winning onscreen presence. Rent the Good Girl, and see what I mean.
3. She's super-hot.
   See #1.
4. She's funny.
   Whether on Friends, or films like Office Space, her charisma, casual delivery and impeccable timing put her among the funniest actresses on TV and film.
5. She's ultra-hot.
   See #3.
6. She's from Sherman Oaks.
   She was born in, and grew up in, Sherman Oaks. I live in Sherman Oaks. How awesome is that?
7. She's uber-hot.
   See #5.
8. She did computer how-to videos.
   She (along with Matthew Perry, oddly enough) did the Windows 95 Video Guide in 1995. Yes, it was an instructional video for Windows, but nobody's perfect. She also did the TV version of Ferris Beuller's Day Off. Score two for Jennifer.
9. She's ridiculously hot.
   See #s 7, 5, 3 & 1.
10. She digs me.
    I'm pretty sure she reads Clark Schpiell Productions, that she sees all of the Lucid by Proxy plays, and that she wants to call me, but she knows I'm married, and she respects that. I wanna tell you, Jennifer, Shan's cool with it. Seriously -- it's fine with her. We just won't tell her. I know you have the number -- just call. I won't tell Brad, I promise.