Go away, petulant child.
Why have you come here?
Child who says no,
baby contrarian.
Child who giggles and begins,
then stomps his feet
and throws his toys away.
Go away,
child who twists the heads from dolls
and demands more dolls.
Go away, hollow laughter
sneering shrieking
and fingers
bitten raw with anger.
Deep breaths like rustling papers
remember that you are the fear
that has voice,
which comes from my mouth
a sandpaper whisper.
You are the needle
that pricks the vein
and the tiny bubble
that steals light
and will
and leaves
contempt and revulsion.
Shake and stammer
quietly, head lowered.
Sweat and sarcasm and
apologies.
And shame.
And waste.
Child,
I sit and stand
and stare through glassy eyes
at life I am not living,
and will not live.
I taste tears in the back of my throat.
I spit out resignation.
I hate you.
Petulant child,
you take my hands
and my eyes
and my mouth
and my heart.
And I am left nothing
but aching, gasping
want -
thirty four years
of shame and waste
and disappointment
and an insignificant soul
that rattles like dry leaves
in the bottom of an empty moving box.
David is an actor, writer and producer in Los Angeles. He's the founder and editor-in-chief of CSP, and a founding producer of the acclaimed Lucid by Proxy theater company. Despite all this, he still has to hold down a day job in the dot-com world, where he does product and interaction design. His acting has been called "committed," "detailed," "fearless," "hilarious" and "heart-rending" by the LA Times and Backstage West. His writing has been called "articulate and commanding" and "eminently readable" by Flak Magazine. His tenth grade Geometry teacher said he "does not work well in groups." David lives in a little bungalow in the Valley with his talented and lovely wife, Shannon, and two fluffy cats. |
more essays by David
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License by:
Clark Schpiell Productions, Lucid by Proxy,
.
borrowed work used by permission and © the original owner
