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love Happy Valentine's Day from all of us here at Clark Schpiell Productions. To celebrate the day, we've compiled a rating of the top ten sites returned by a Google search with the keywords "love" and "cockroach." Enjoy.

Cockroach Love Poem #2
Near as I can tell, this is some sort of weird entymologist/liguist humor. It is an actual poem written in what purports to be, well, cockroachian, I guess. It intrigues me, and scares me more than a little.
RATING:
clever and disturbing, but the bare-bones Gopher-net feel makes the whole thing a little too creepy.

Madagascan Giant Hissing Cockroach
A cute little page for teachers who want to keep huge, disgusting critters in their classrooms so that kids can learn about ... um ... infestation and eating decaying sludge.
RATING:
useful for grade-school and junior-high biology teachers, but of little importance to the rest of us.

Ryan's Cockroach, Dvd, Laserdisc, & Cd's Page
This page has a lot of very simple information about the care and feeding of cockroaches, but I don't really see anything (apart from a little link on the bottom of the page) about DVDs, CDs or Laserdiscs.
RATING:
despite some fairly useful information for cockroach lovers, the misleading title pisses me off.

Sketch of Love
I'm ... not sure what this site has to do with cockroaches. It is an online comic about a dismal, depressed little boy. I quote from the FAQ: "This is not Funny comics. My life is not fun, I can't Draw funny comics. No plot, No beginning, No end (and no spelling check). Jordan will love Both guy and girl, so stay back if it offend you." That about says it all. The artwork is quite powerful, though.
RATING:
the artwork is dark and cool, but the comic is bizarre and depressing and I'm not certain how cockroaches are involved, if at all.

The Compleat Cockroach by David George Gordon
This simple page advertises a book which seems to cover every detail of the World of the Roach, from roach races at Roachhill Downs to roaches aboard Apollo XII.
RATING:
basically just an advertisement, but contains the phrase "Roach Dance craze."

Cockroach Information
Just as it says, this page contains cockroach information -- more specifically, info on raising cockroaches. As a special bonus, however, this page features an embedded clip of an adult male cockroach hissing.
RATING:
lots of good roach-raising info, if you are into that sort of thing. Plus, you can listen to the cockroach sing!

Human Love, Divine Love
This page scares me a good deal more than even the "Sketch of Love" page. It's a transcript of a long speech about God's love, which includes the speaker saying, "I love you, cockroach."
RATING:
for my money, there's not much new to be found here, except maybe that God condones cockroache/human love.

Rachel's Roach Page
This page is very poorly designed and hard to read, but when you squint and move closer to your monitor, you'll find it is a cockroach reference page by a creepy girl who says she loves roaches because she "like[s] the fear that they instill in the weak of spirit."
RATING:
while the page is poorly designed, this chick claims to have eaten a cockroach!

The Compleat Cockroach Review
A simple book review of the David George Gordon book mentioned above. Apparently, it lives up to it's claims. For some reason, all text on this page is centered.
RATING:
please, God, let someone teach these people how to build web pages!

Ordering Dramatic Stage Scripts! Free Puppet Play!
The title says it all. This page is advertising a handful of what are surely stage masterpieces, including Dr. Von Chimera, Auditioning a Ghost, Pippsi Longknickers, The Frog Prince and The Princess Brat. Further down the page, you'll find a free puppet script and directions for making a cockroach puppet.
RATING:
surely the first great playwright of the twenty-first century.

end of essay
David Nett Portrait David is an actor, writer and producer in Los Angeles. He's the founder and editor-in-chief of CSP, and a founding producer of the acclaimed Lucid by Proxy theater company. Despite all this, he still has to hold down a day job in the dot-com world, where he does product and interaction design. His acting has been called "committed," "detailed," "fearless," "hilarious" and "heart-rending" by the LA Times and Backstage West. His writing has been called "articulate and commanding" and "eminently readable" by Flak Magazine. His tenth grade Geometry teacher said he "does not work well in groups." | more essays by David
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