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March Madness is More Important than War Madness
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iraq

I was all excited to wake up Thursday morning to plant myself in front of the TV for the beginning of March Madness Baby!! Missouri (my alma mater) would be playing their first round game at around noon, and I was ready! Go Tigers! But what should happen? SOMEBODY (this means you G.W.) decided to start bombing Iraq, something I found very inconsiderate and inconvenient to all those NCAA Tournament fans out there. Sure, they televised the games on ESPN, but not everybody has cable! G.W., certainly you have the current figures of the poor economy, and who currently can no longer afford cable. If you cut us do we not bleed?

OK. So the war is news (barely). Sure Saddam Hussein experiments with chemical weapons on his own people. Sure he regularly murders Iraqis who speak or even think against him. Sure the Iraqi people don't see any of the fruits of all their oil. Sure his son, Uday, is a psychopath who regularly beats, rapes and murders women by the dozen, who has also killed members of his own family. But can any of them shoot a game-winning "trey" with .5 left on the clock?? I think not!!

I mean, at least have two windows on the screen. One with the war and the other (larger) one showing hoops. Itís the next day and they're STILL going on about that goddam war. I mean, why didn't we finish this years ago with the other Bush? A double-elimination war is certainly not more exciting that the single-elimination NCAA tournament! One loss and you're out baby!

You'd think General Tommy Franks would be a hoops fan. I assume he's like, a man's man and whatnot, what with leading our entire armed forces into Iraq. I mean, what a better "who's dick is bigger" battle than the NCAA tournament? "Killing bad people," he may respond. But in the NCAA there's upsets abound. This war? A sure thing! You wouldn't watch a basketball game if you already knew who the winner was, right? So why is a war any different?

SPOILERS AHEAD:

Hey, the United States is going to win!

Now give me back my March Madness! Go Tigers!

(PS - No matter what my opinion is of this war, I do hope for the safety of our troops and the innocent people of Iraq.)

end of essay
Jeanette imagines herself to be the youngest and most attractive contributor to CSP. She is a writer/director/actor and is one of the founding members of Lucid by Proxy (along with David and Rick). She spends most of her time sitting at home alone talking to her cats, who lovingly ignore her in return. | more essays by Jeanette
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