Dear Animal Rape Dream Journal,

Today, while studying the social habits of the male Orangutan in upper Borneo, I started menstruating (thank god!!! My breasts were SUPER tender this time). As I stuffed my panties with the customary home made jungle "bush" maxi pad (ha, ha no pun intended) made of a large leaf, mulch wads and fluffly, absorbent undergrowth, what should happen but Botox, the 400 pound male, grabbed me from behind and carried me up into a tree!! The next thing I knew I was being "animal-raped", (now there's an oxymoron for you). I was SO embarrassed, Dream Journal. Botox didn't even think me attractive enough to do it the ol' fashioned, missionary way. Must've been because my face was broken out more that usual during PMS. It was a beautiful day, the soft breeze, Botox's face flapping against my back. We he was finished, he threw me to the ground (things sure haven't changed much since my sorority days!!).

I'm worried, Animal Rape Dream Journal. I really care about Botox, but how do I tell him with my limited knowledge of orangutan grunts and gestures that I don't like him "that way?" What should I do, Animal Rape Dream Journal? I've tried meditating on my WWDFD (what would Dian Fossey do?) friendship bracelet. But nothing seems to work. Help!!

FF (friends forever)
Athena