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NFL ‘06 Season Analysis, 2 of 4
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NFL

It's time to update my thoughts and predictions as the NFL season enters its final stretch. Mostly, I want to point out how brilliant some of my pre-season predictions were. Seriously, it's baffling why I haven't gotten the call to join the FOX Sports team. Hi Troy (Aikman)!

Second, David and Shannon are doing a little remodeling on their home. They claim it's to add a bigger master bedroom and another bathroom - but I'm sure it's because they wanted to give Rick and I more room for our Super Bowl party we're going to hold at their house.

Third. Troy Aikman (again). Hi Troy! I'm sure you're pretty impressed with my analysis and are just about ready to call me to come work with you and Joe Buck (my fellow St. Louisan) in the booth. Oh, by the way... hi Troy!

So here we go. I'll go in the same order as I did in my pre-season analysis, which I'm sure you've read over and over.

Buffalo Bills
Um, don't see much of this team. They're not bad -- J.P. Losman is getting better, but he'll never reach that level of greatness. I really don't know what to say about these guys. Eyes heavy ... falling asleep thinking ab...zzzzzzzz.

Detroit Lions
Still not a great team, and word is that Mike Martz, their offensive coordinator, may be up for the Arizona head coach job. If they remain sucky, they will also be in a place to draft #1, and they need a quarterback. Kitna is good, but he's not a franchise guy. He's a backup. So they'll take Quinn or Smith.

Arizona Cardinals
I knew that Matt Leinart would get the starting position. He's had a rough start, mainly because they don't have the running game they hoped to get from Edgerrin James (though his most recent game he finally got over 100 yards), but Leinart broke the rookie passing record with 405 yards or something. But again, he had to because they have to running game. Leinart will be a great quarterback, Arizona won the lottery getting him at #10. Dennis Green will probably lose his head coaching job -- that loss to the Bears did him in. A new coach (Martz) who loves to throw the ball, which fits perfectly with Leinart's ability, some good draft picks (they need to get a superstar running back and beef up their o-line), and I think they'll be the most improved team next year. I thought they would be better this year, but the Cardinals somehow always find a way to disappoint, don't they?

Denver Broncos
Denver is 7-5, but they're on a downhill slide. They just replaced quarterback Jake Plummer with rookie Jay Cutler, who made some really bad decisions in his first start. Not sure if coach Shanahan made the right choice putting Cutler in, but this means Jake Plummer will be looking for another team next year. It's hard to know where he would fit in. Houston? Tampa Bay? Detroit? Minnesota? Will he take a back up role? I doubt it.

Baltimore Ravens
Well, Steve McNair sure fits in there. He'll keep his job, but I'm still not sold on the Ravens. How much time does McNair have left?

Cleveland Browns
I still say...Charlie Frye? Wasn't he a member of the Eagles (the band)? Anyway, they still need a big time quarterback, but I think they'll win too many games to get a high draft pick. Honestly? Who really cares about the Browns? Yawn.

Philadelphia Eagles
Donovan McNabb, out for the season. No playoffs. Clearly, something has to be fixed. And they're going to have to think about getting a quarterback. McNabb can't be counted on. They need a quarterback of the future.

St. Louis Rams
Goddammit! Marc Bulger, who never says anything ever, called out the fact that there are players in the locker room who don't care about winning as long as they get a paycheck. They have so much talent! Okay, coach Scott Linehan, it's time to show us if you have the leadership to stop this bullshit and get this team together. The thing is, if they win the rest of their games, they could still get in the playoffs. Goddammit!

Miami Dolphins
Daunte Culpepper, bust. Joey Harrington, basically a bust as well. Bad decision not taking Drew Brees. And I think that Culpepper probably lied to them and told Miami that his busted knee was feeling great. They will finish too well to get a good quarterback in the draft. They have potential, but they need a franchise QB, which they really haven't had since Dan Marino.

Minnesota Vikings
Lots of overhauling to be done here. QB Brad Johnson is getting too old and too sketchy in his play. Brad will probably find himself in a back up role next year.

end of essay
Jeanette imagines herself to be the youngest and most attractive contributor to CSP. She is a writer/director/actor and is one of the founding members of Lucid by Proxy (along with David and Rick). She spends most of her time sitting at home alone talking to her cats, who lovingly ignore her in return. | more essays by Jeanette
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