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NFL ‘06 Season Analysis, 4 of 4
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NFL

It's time to update my thoughts and predictions as the NFL season enters its final stretch. Mostly, I want to point out how brilliant some of my pre-season predictions were. Seriously, it's baffling why I haven't gotten the call to join the FOX Sports team. Hi Troy (Aikman)!

Second, David and Shannon are doing a little remodeling on their home. They claim it's to add a bigger master bedroom and another bathroom - but I'm sure it's because they wanted to give Rick and I more room for our Super Bowl party we're going to hold at their house.

Third. Troy Aikman (again). Hi Troy! I'm sure you're pretty impressed with my analysis and are just about ready to call me to come work with you and Joe Buck (my fellow St. Louisan) in the booth. Oh, by the way... hi Troy!

So here we go. I'll go in the same order as I did in my pre-season analysis, which I'm sure you've read over and over.

Seattle Seahawks
I haven't been paying much attention to this team. They're good, but they're not better than last year when they went to the Super Bowl. They'll be in the NFC race, but they won't make it to the Super Bowl this year.

New York Giants
If Pittsburgh had a meltdown, this team is really molten lava. Eli Manning is an almost-great quarterback, but right now he's not nearly the leader he needs to be, unlike his brother, Peyton. Eli's body language on the sidelines tells all, his head is down, etc. This team has a lot of talent, but they lack discipline and Eli needs to step up and kick some ass. They are imploding and it looks like coach Tom Coughlin doesn't have the leadership to stop it. Tom should worry about his job. He can't control his team. Oh, and some of that half-assed playing by Plaxico Burress is just plain embarrassing. If they could get their attitude straight, they'd be very good, but I think they are in a downhill spiral and won't make the playoffs.

Washington R*****ns
Again, this team name is horribly offensive. Change it. Please. What about the Washington Reds? Or the Washington Warriors? Or pick a nice animal, like the Stallions or the Vipers or the Wolves? Anyway, they have a quarterback problem: they don't have one. They need to lose more so they can draft high -- otherwise, yawnsville.

Chicago Bears
I was as high on this team as everyone else. And they are 10-2. But that's misleading. The Bears defense is the best in the league, but their offense, and by offense I mean quarterback Rex Grossman, has been exposed as highly overrated. Rex needs to worry about his starting job, because they will get nowhere in the playoffs if he doesn't make a dramatic turnaround. They will lose in their first playoff game.

Atlanta Falcons
Michael Vick is a no-class waste of money. I don't know how he got the paycheck that he did, but he's not worth it. He gives the finger to the crowd? What an asshole.

SUMMING IT ALL UP

Stars
LaDanian Tomlinson, Drew Brees, Reggie Bush and the Saints, Tony Romo, Phillip Rivers, Tiki Barber, Larry Johnson, Steve Smith, Chad Johnson, Bears Defense

Duds
Daunte Culpepper, The Raiders, Drew Bledsoe, Kurt Warner, The Steelers, Mario Williams and the Texans

PROGNOSTICATION

The Last 8 Standing

  • AFC East - New England Patriots
  • AFC North - Cincinnati Bengals
  • AFC South - Indianapolis Colts
  • AFC West - San Diego Chargers
  • NFC East - Dallas Cowboys
  • NFC North - Chicago Bears
  • NFC South - New Orleans Saints
  • NFC West - Seattle Seahawks

AFC Champions
San Diego Chargers - Indianapolis can't stop the run and no one can stop LaDanian Tomlinson.

NFC Champions
New Orleans Saints - This is a tough one. Dallas could be there too, but I think now that Reggie Bush has finally had his breakout game, and with Drew Brees at the helm, they will win. Oh -- I just realized this would make an exciting match up between Drew Brees and the person who took over his job in San Diego, Phillip Rivers!

2006 Super Bowl Champions:
San Diego Chargers - It would be a great game, but I have to go with LaDanian and the Chargers' defense. They will make Drew Brees' life very difficult and it would really suck for him to lose to the guy he already lost once to for his starting QB job. Also, though I think Bush is or will be every bit as good as Tomlinson, I just feel like San Diego has the clear edge on defense.
LaDanian will get MVP, and Saints first year head coach Sean Payton will get coach of the year.

end of essay
Jeanette imagines herself to be the youngest and most attractive contributor to CSP. She is a writer/director/actor and is one of the founding members of Lucid by Proxy (along with David and Rick). She spends most of her time sitting at home alone talking to her cats, who lovingly ignore her in return. | more essays by Jeanette
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