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NFL Draft ‘06 Analysis, 3 of 5
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terrell owens

I Love Football! This year, I was obsessed with the draft and I can't wait for football season to start, which always culminates in me and Rick forcing David and his wife Shannon to have a Super Bowl party - since they have the house and biggest TV - and TiVo. (editor's note: technically, it's HD-TiVo. Take it.) Here are my 2006 Draft thoughts, slightly colored with a St. Louis Rams and USC bias.

St. Louis Rams
Yes, being from St. Louis, I'm a die-hard Rams fan. I think Tye Hill and Dominique Byrd (USC again) are going to be dynamite, especially Byrd. Joe Klopfenstein (Frankenstine or Frankensteen?) looks to be a good prospect as well, as does Jon Alston of Stanford. I predict defensive end Victor Andeyanju to be a break-out star. Without bias, I think the Rams did fantastic in the draft this year. Now, I don't know anything about the new coach, that's probably going to be the biggest factor, but I think a change from Mike Martz is a very good thing, though I sure wish Lovie Smith would have stuck around long enough so the Rams could have promoted him to head coach. As far as Marc Bulger, if he gets the proper protection, he's among the best and can win a Super Bowl. The Rams also need to think about getting a rookie QB to groom next year. Marshall Faulk, god I love this guy. I love him because he was smart and humble enough to know that he couldn't be the #1 RB what with age and injuries. So he volunteered to take the #2 spot, let the mammoth Steven Jackson be #1, meaning Steven gets the rare opportunity to be trained by a future hall of famer in Faulk. No one will get past the giant 6'7" OT Alex Barron this year and he will be a pro-bowler. The Rams need to improve their dismal special teams play, step up on defense and they need just a little tweak to give Marc Bulger a couple more seconds in the pocket, and I think they will. I think the offense will be as good as the Greatest Show on Turf years of 1999-2001. And I think the Rams receiving team: Torry Holt, Isaac Bruce, along with Kevin Curtis who has really blossomed, Dane Looker, Shaun McDonald - the best WR group in the league, hands down. Through the rose-colored glasses of a Rams fan - 2007 Super Bowl Winners!

Miami Dolphins
I so wish Ricky Williams loved playing football. That guy was fun to watch and had the talent to be in the Hall of Fame, but alas, he smoked himself up and out of the league - probably forever. BTW - the league doesn't care if players drink, so who cares if they smoke weed? Yes, yes, blah, blah, one is legal, the other is not, even though the effects of marijuana aren't nearly as bad as alcohol. And no, I don't smoke weed, and rarely (like once or twice a year) do I even have a drink for that matter. But I digress. 7th round draftee WR Devin Aromashodu has the potential to be a great receiver. They signed Daunte Culpepper who, if he's healthy combined with this much-needed fresh start - in fact, I think this is the best place for Culpepper right now, and I think he'll come out with guns a-blazin'. They also acquired Joey Harrington who might not like being #2 and will either 1) make Daunte super great or 2) fight like hell for the starting job and play at the level everybody expected from him when he was picked 3rd in the 2002 draft. They've got superstar WR position, Chris Chambers, but no one else stands out to me. Running backs? Dunno. That said, I have a feeling that other teams will not be looking forward to playing in Miami. OH! I almost forgot the most important thing - Marcus Vick. I'm going to keep a close eye on Marcus Vick. I hope he doesn't screw it up for himself. Like with Maurice Clarett, it really pisses me off when people who are given a rare talent piss it away. So Marcus - call me if you need some life counseling - I'm serious.

Minnesota Vikings
Wow. Can't do much worse than the Vikings did last season - and on the field as well. The only bright spot was Brad Johnson's admirable performance amid the stupid, stupid off-field boat antics. That said, the Vikings did a little house-cleaning. Did they clean in the right areas? That remains to be seen. First, they need a QB. Otherwise, I don't know what else to say. It's going to be a rough year. I don't know enough about new coach Brad Childress, but this is a classic "rebuilding" year.

Dallas Cowboys
Let me first say I think Troy Aikman, besides being one of the best quarterbacks to play the game, is a fantastic announcer. I even listened to his Sporting News Radio football show. Seriously. I did. In fact, I decided I'm going to try to get a job as an announcer with him. First of all, there needs to be a female announcer in the booth: me. I love football, I'm pretty easy on the eyes, I'm smart, witty and articulate. I would be there for some surprisingly good analysis but mostly for the occasional funny. I think it should be me, Joe Buck (as he and I are both fellow St. Louisans) get rid of Collinsworth and put in me! Anyhoo, the big story for Dallas is Terrell Owens, Terrell Owens and, oh, did I say Terrell Owens? I suppose if anyone can handle TO, it's Bill Parcels. However, they're going to have to find an heir for Drew Bledsoe next year, and I don't think Drew Henson can be the guy, and anyway, I always think of Jim Henson, the Muppets guy, when I hear his name. Here's another team I don't know much about, but I don't think they'll be a playoff contender.

end of essay
Jeanette imagines herself to be the youngest and most attractive contributor to CSP. She is a writer/director/actor and is one of the founding members of Lucid by Proxy (along with David and Rick). She spends most of her time sitting at home alone talking to her cats, who lovingly ignore her in return. | more essays by Jeanette
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