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The Lost Track
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fake

This latest discovery is a bonafide CSATFCWB treasure! One of our dear readers recently sent us an MP3 (you may not have heard the term "MP3" before -- it is a "digital music" format, all the rage amongst youngsters, which may or may not have something to do with a "Napster") which, it turns out, is a track recorded by joseph as a demo meant to be included on the "Fear the Lawn Gnomes" lp, but removed at the last minute. CSATFCWB rumor has it that, though the song probably would not have fit in well with the album's "we-don't-really-know-how-to-play-our-instruments" style, the song's biggest obstacle was not style, but rather, David. He hated "acme," and, after much prodding, eventually persuaded the rest of the band to ax it. David's problem with the song, according to an interview in the May, 1988 issue of Langdon Music News, was simply that he did not sing it. "I'm not gonna just stand in back, banging on my tambourine like some kind of faggy, low-rent Stevie Nicks," David reportedly complained, "I'm the goddam lead singer." He then launched into a long tirade about Joseph's shortcomings in comparison with Lindsay Buckingham, which quickly dissolved into incoherent squawking (again, according to LMN).

While most CSATFCWB fans agree that this is the main cause of acme's disapperance from the album, many point to another more concrete cause -- a letter from the Warner Brothers Corporation refusing to give the band rights to the WB character names featured in the song:

    (excerpt)
    "...we cannot, in good conscience, allow the name(s) of Wile E. Coyote and others to be sung ... by any band featuring a fruit in multi-colored hammer-pants hanging out in the back, banging on his tambourine like a faggy, low-rent Stevie Nicks."

Stevie Nicks could not be reached for comment.


Click here to get the lost CSATFCWB track, "acme."
note: as a demo recording, this is a little scratchier than the studio recordings you are used to. If only David had allowed it to be properly recorded!
(4.1mb -- 15-20 minutes using your slow-ass 28.8 modem. It would be a lot faster if you'd just bite the bullet and upgrade the damn thing.)

Or, visit CSATFCWB's "artist Page" at www.mp3.com/clarkschpiell

end of essay
Joseph G. Carson Portrait Joe was the original guitarist for the now legendary Clark Schpiell and the Furry Cockroaches without Butts, playing two chords in a four-chord song under the assumed name of Jason, which he has taken to be a metaphor for his existence (the two chords part, not the Jason part). He has contributed several long pieces to CSP, including the crime novels Danine and Inheriting Dust, the latter of which is still in progress. He has also written the occasional humor piece, movie review, and political essay. | more essays by Joseph
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