It has long been rumored the original lyrics for the first album title track and longtime concert crowd favorite Fear the Lawn Gnomes were written in blood on a soiled pair of Jason's underwear.

A small but loyal fan group has always disputed this claim -- the "Napkinsaks" believe that the image below is actually a photocopy of those original lyrics. The fiber pattern, they say, is far too large to be from a pair of underwear (though it has also been rumored that Jason wore burlap undies) -- clearly, these lyrics were transcribed on a soiled napkin, or perhaps very rough hotel toilet paper.

What soiled the "napkin" has also been a subject of much dispute. Since an original has never been discovered and only this photocopy remains, it is impossible to determine the stain's original color or consistency. It is important to note that another group (the "Geisfluidians") believes that, whether this is a napkin, toilet paper, or coarse, burlap undergarments, the stains may be a result of Geiser's perpetually bleeding hemorrhoids.

Sadly, we may never know.