the Online Journal of Linus Erickson
Mar 4, 2001
We're very happy to introduce a new feature to our loyal and vast CSP readership, the uncensored online journal of Linus Erickson. CSP's own Jason stumbled across Linus' web page while doing research on genital warts and was quickly entranced by its almost complete lack of insight, wit or interest. Signing the guest book was all it took for a long and pointless communication between Linus and Jason, and when Linus' provider went out of business, it was only natural that Jason suggest that Linus published his journal here.
While Linus has warned CSP against making any promises about the timeliness of updates, Linus' old site saw a new update every week or so. "We're crossing our fingers that it's that often," Dr. M said. "This is going to open up whole new vistas for Clark Schpiell Productions." "Definitely," David chimed in. "Linus is going to do for online journaling what eToys did for online children's recreative retailing."
Let's dig in. Enjoy our new feature. And be sure to get hold of Linus at email@example.com.
March 3, 2001
Okay, well, I've certainly got a lot to talk about. Once again, never a lack of topics in this exciting life, but first of all I should say who I am. I mean, here I am, now publishing in an entirely new place, and while my old fans may find some of this repetitive (but you should still read it! You never know what you'll find out!) I feel like I need to do so to introduce the CSP readers to yours truly.
First, I am Linus Erickson, and I've been an online journaler for a goodly long time now. I started keeping a journal when I was 15, just writing down whatever came into my mind at the time. That was old technology, you know, just a spiral-bound notebook and an eraseable pen (remember when those first came out? "It's not the eraser, it's the ink!" I really thought those were great; if you don't have one you should get one, I used to have a yellow one I really liked but I'm drifting off topic). Times certainly have changed, haven't they? Now I type my journal on my Wang luggable (remember those?) and then e-mail it to David, who has the job of posting it on the web site (way to go, Dave, you're the greatest!).
But the thing I like best about online journaling is that you just discover so much as you go along, so come on, friends and I'll start telling you about my day, just as if it were any other day.
The first thing I did today really irritated me. This woman called me from my credit card company and said that even though I had cut up my card and sent it back to them, I still had to pay off the amount on the card, which was now eight hundred dollars over my limit and could I please arrange payment? Well, first of all, she called at the crack of dawn, and I was barely conscious. I told her this and she insisted it was one-thirty in the afternoon, but I hadn't even had my cereal yet and was feeling faint, and what business is it of hers when I get up or what I'm doing at any particular hour of the day? What if I had a night job to support my kids? I mean, I didn't have a night job or kids, and I hadn't even gone to bed that late but after that many mai tai's I just have to sleep like twelve or thirteen hours but did she care? No. I struggled to make sense of what she was saying, but all I knew is I did not care at all for her tone of voice, so I made up a funny story about that I was taking care of my mother who had cancer and was dying and that my mother was in the next room just then and that when the phone had rang my mother had tried to get up and get it and had fallen and was lying on the floor and I had to get off the phone and call an ambulance and this was probably going to be it for my mother. I kind of got into it, I was just playing with her, teasing, but she got upset and started crying and made me feel so bad that I just hung up on her and took a bong hit and poured a big mixing bowl full of Honeycomb. But she said she'd call back next week so expect a very interesting update on this particular situation.
So I know that wasn't a whole lot that happened to me today, but the rest of the day I've just been so happy that I was moving my online journal over to CSP. That and the fact that I heard my neighbor masturbating again. She's not pretty at all but she's really loud and she takes a long time so I always have time to get everything I need and then I lie against the corner of the living room where I can hear her best (note to self: put a bean-bag chair there) and then join in. It's really erotic in a way, because it's like we're having sex together except that we can't see or touch each other and she doesn't even know I'm doing it but in a way that's better! For those who are my long-time fans, I should throw in here that I saw her getting her mail two days ago and it looks like they didn't have to amputate the other leg after all.
As I'm writing this I can peek out the blinds into the street and I see that Mr. Connors across the street is walking by himself still. I guess Duncan isn't up to walking again just yet; all I know is that he barely lifts his voice to a whimper when I go by. No more barking! Sorry, that's another little inside bit of information for the old-timers, but I'm sure as time goes on those of you are just now starting to read will learn all of this and you'll be getting every inside joke and reference I make. Anyway, suffice it to say that Duncan is a Doberman pinscher who kept me up all night and threatened to take my head off every time I walked out my door. It took a lot of work to grind glass that finely, but believe me, it was well worth it.
But I don't want to take up too much of Dave's valuable time in putting this up (thanks, Dave, you're the greatest!) or to try your patience. I'm hoping that CSP might be able to put up back issues, and I'm currently now working on a "greatest hits" of some of the journal entries that I've gotten the most enthusiastic responses about. But until then go ahead and e-mail me about any past dates, and I do love getting those e-mails from you. Without you out there reading my insights and observations, hell, reading the story of my life, I'd just be another 25-year-old unemployed video-game tester who can't seem to adopt a cat that lives more than two weeks! So write away, I'm sure there are some great friendships just waiting to happen.