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Two Words for the Metrosexual
by athena   february 03, 2004
metrosexual

metrosexual (met.roh.SEK.shoo.ul) n. An urban male with a strong aesthetic sense who spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle.

    Example Citation:
    "At dinner the other night, my date listed the calorie count of the main entrees, raising an eyebrow at my chicken Alfredo selection after he had ordered a salad. I saw him check his reflection in the silver water pitcher three times. During dessert, he looked deeply into my eyes and told me he thought what we have together is very special. It was our third date.
    It was then that I realized why my dating life has been as mysterious as the Bermuda Triangle since I arrived in Washington. This city, unlike any other place I've lived, is a haven for the metrosexual. A metrosexual, in case you didn't catch any of several newspaper articles about this developing phenomenon (or the recent "South Park" episode on Comedy Central), is a straight man who styles his hair using three different products (and actually calls them "products"), loves clothes and the very act of shopping for them, and describes himself as sensitive and romantic. In other words, he is a man who seems stereotypically gay except when it comes to sexual orientation."
    --Alexa Hackbarth, "Vanity, Thy Name Is Metrosexual," The Washington Post, November 17, 2003

The next person who uses the word metrosexual around me gets locked into a room with a leather-daddy bear whose specialty is steamers, and I'm not referring to a model ship collection.

Oh, the straight white men can't STAND it. Since Will & Grace or Queer Eye for the Straight Guy -- "Who's noticing us? Who's paying attention to us any more? Look at ME. It's not enough that we have our run of Congress. It's not enough that we still make more money on the dollar than women with equivalent jobs. It's not enough that every single president/leader of the free world has been one of us. We need something more, something special. I know! I'm going to give us an extra-special name!"

Are you kidding me? The oppression, the hate, the hurdles we homosexuals have had, and still have to deal with. The emotion, the court battles, the marches it has taken for us to own and say proudly that we are HOMOSEXUALS. "Oh my god! They're taking the limelight from us!" say the straight men. "We're no longer getting EVERYTHING. Hurry, let's get us a new trendy name!"

You know what you REALLY are you proudly professed metrosexuals? You narcissistic, too much hair product, manicure, pedicure, salad eating, you've-gotten-every-privilege-given-to- you-without-any-question-or-fight-since-the-dawn-of-time straight male? You are not the man who gets up in the morning, showers and barely combs his hair with his fingers. You are not the man who knows his way around power tools nor will risk getting dirty helping a woman change her tire in a downpour. You are not the man who keeps women coming back for more because you're a great lay.

What is a metrosexual? Two words:

MALE PUSSY


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