Your Feeble Boringness Cannot Destroy Me
December 2, 2002
Or should I say, "Attention Slaves?!" Yes! Because soon you will all be
MY SLAVES. How is this so? IT IS THE TIME OF YOUR DEFEATING! Yes?
Read on, Future Slaves.
Your pathetic attempts to Bore Me To Death have FAILED. I LAUGH at
your feeble Boringness. You think you are boring? Do you? YOU ARE
NOT SO BORING AS I AM ON MY LEAST BORING DAY. You cannot Bore me even
with a Uranium Bakelite Boring Borer. I AM UNBORABLE!
THIS WILL COST YOU DEARLY, SLAVES! I was prepared to make concessions
to your feeble bodies, your pathetic minds. I was prepared to END
YOUR TORTUROUS LIVES humanely, by stepping on you with my flippers.
BUT NOW your act of defiance will cause me to PROLONG YOUR SUFFERING!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! OBEY. OBEY. OBEY. OBEY.
You have tried to be rid of me with your Boringness. Yours is a
SUBSTANDARD BORING VARIETY. In the thirty-one flavors of Boring,
yours is Vanilla, maybe Mint-Chocolate Chip. MINE IS COCONUT-GUAVA
SWIRL! With SPRINKLES!!!!! I AM UNBORABLE.
My hide is inpenetrable. My mind is all-consuming. My teeth are
shaped like pumpkins. My ears are protruding. My scales are
enormous. YOU WILL SERVE ME. I am coming VERY VERY SOON to defeat
your measley armies and DEVOUR your flabby civil servants. I AM
YOU WILL NEVER BORE ME! IT IS USELESS TO TRY. LOOK AT ME AND
TREMBLE! EVACUATE YOUR BOWELS IN YOUR QUAINT "TROUSERS." They look
so silly! THEY WILL BE OUTLAWED WHEN I AM MASTER, WHICH WILL BE
SOON! I AM MORE BORING THAN YOU ARE! DELINE AND PERISH, HUMANITY!
OBEY. OBEY. OBEY. OBEY. OBEY.